Re: [WLS Friendship & Support] I hate this body
2008-02-29 21:10:03Lora,
I know this sounds stupid, but everything that is going on is fixable. I
think that you need to concentrated on the mystery pain. Are you keeping a
diary on it? When the pain comes and goes...what you are doing an hour before
it shows up. Have you eaten, are you exercising at that point, are you just
resting? These could be the little clues that will help come up with a correct
diagnosis. Honestly, I think once that all consuming issue is cared for, then
the other things will be much easier to handle.
That alien will be evicted soon enough. and when it goes, a lot of the droopy
skin will move on with it. It is something to look forward to.
I dont think we will ever have amazing bodies again. Even if we get all of
the droopies cared for, we'll have surgical scars. I am pretty disgusted w/ the
way my body looks without clothes too. I have to remind myself daily that I am
ok. You are ok as well Lora. Worry about the insides right now. I suspect the
outsides take a little longer to deal with - but eventually, we'll all get
there.
(((hugs!!!)))
Lisa A
Lora <cicerogirl@...
I'll try to make this short. I've just kind of popped in and out the
last couple of days because I am tryign to avoid thinking about
anything body or weight related.
I am frustrated because they don't know what this intermittent pain
is. My PCPs best suggestion is to go to the ER the next time it gets
strong (just how *I* want to kill 10 hours) so they can REPEAT all of
the same damn tests we have already done that either do or do not show
kidney stones.
The scale says I gained 3 pounds this week. It said it on Tuesday and
it said it yesterday and it says it this morning. Now logically I
know that I have not consumed 10,000 EXTRA calories this week (I
haven't even comsumed a TOTAL of 10,000 calories!) to ahve gained 3
pounds of fat, so I figured it was just water-weight... but the whole
freaking week?!?!? Ugh.
Last, but certainly not least, I have been having a REALLY hard time
with how my body looks between the waist and mid-thighs. I had to
cover up the bottom of the bathroom mirror because it was making me
cry everytime I looked at myself after a shower. I *hate* the way my
lower tummy and pubic area look. There is still a lot of extra fat
and everything hangs down SO far below where it should. It's
disgusting. Sex is out of the question. No, I didn't have surgery
primarily to look better, but that part of my body loooked better
BEFORE surgery, and I did not expect to go through all of this and end
up hating my body even more than I did before. (My 100-pound
counselor was kind when I tried to explain to her how I am feeling,
but clearly she doesn't "get" it.) Yes, I still have about 75 pounds
to lose. Even if I lose 25 of that before the end of May (when I was
hoping to be able to get the hernia and everything else fixed), I
doubt that a PS will be willing to DO the surgery then. And even if
he does, will I end up looking WORSE than I do now? I cannot find any
kind of undergarment that will help "lift" this "package" (that any
man would envy) that I now have... anything that is heavy duty enough
to make any difference makes the hernia hurt, cuts into my thighs, or
pulls everything up and out which is even worse! I *hate* this body.
Lora
Lisa A
284/271/168/135